mkell755
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mkell755
ParticipantHi everyone! Here is a short little recording for any and all feedback. I’m working on lead-ins to help me get into the feel of the scripts and sounding conversational. Let me know if it hits the mark. Thanks!
Mary
Michelob Ultra
If this is your idea of redeeming miles, this is your beer. 2.6 grams of carbs and 95 calories. Michelob Ultra. Lose the carbs. Not the taste.Attachments:
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ParticipantHi Tylwoo519! First of all, great ukulele! Such a happy sound.
I liked your tone, pacing and enunciation of this read, sounded very good. Keep up the good work!
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantHi Rogue1! Great job! I like this script a lot for you. It sounds very conversational and I could hear the infused humor 🙂
I liked the varied emphasis on certain phrases like “…and you are starving.” and the last sentence. I think you could try a little more variation of tone in the lists “nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboard, not even a stray chip in the sofa” – these three things had a very similar tone. The same critique applies to the second list “…mouth-watering burgers to spicy tacos to crispy pizza…” Just my opinion on the lists, and I’m being picky. Overall really good reads!
Marymkell755
ParticipantHi Amber! Welcome to the forum!
I really like your voice! Very warm and friendly, and your pacing and enunciation for this script was spot on. I agree too that you can “gush” a bit more about YOUR child and how special he is. It might sound like you are oozing too much enthusiasm in your head, but try it and see how it feels as a performance. It has been my experience that really emphasizing something like that can and will be interpreted as more excitement about the script. Really good job on this!
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantYou are welcome John! I tend to squish words and pause unnecessarily at times as well, so I think that’s why I notice these things more.
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantHi Rogue1, thanks for the feedback! I’m glad the neighbor down the street vibe is there. Definitely working on making it sound more casual and natural – it’s hard to too! 🙂 Thanks again,
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantHi Amber, thanks for the feedback! I’m working on less uptalk (periods or commas that sound more like questions), but it is a hard habit to break. Thanks for the suggestions, I will work on that!
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantHi John, thanks for the feedback! I’m glad that the list of items came across as natural, that’s definitely what I’m working on! Thank you,
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantThanks for the feedback Alexis! I will work on having a more friendly tone and smile. I have used the order ahead pickup form Walmart and it really is a cool thing that is exciting to me; I will try to infuse more of that energy here. Thank you!
Mary
mkell755
ParticipantHi John! Very good reads! Your voice is very warm and the pacing and tone is excellent for both.
Script 1: I heard a pause after 1905, both times. Without the comma, you could instead read right through it, both places for more continuity and clarity of the thought.
Script 2: The word “being” sounds smushed to me, like “ben”, not a big deal and part of this may be your accent. I’m also hearing a pause after “…looking to bank with us” but there is not comma there that would suggest a pause.
Both reads were really well done! Keep up the good work!Mary
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