Feedback Forum
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Happy New Year!! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday. Here is a little read about beavers! Any feedback is appreciated.
Beavers:
The beaver builds its lodge out of twigs and sticks; as freezing weather nears, they plaster their lodge with mud, making a concrete layer that no predator can break through. During the early nineteenth century, the beaver pelt was the single most valuable commodity; the pelt being used for robes, coats, clothing trims, and top hats. -
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Happy New Year all! Good to be back at it. I’ll be testing out and practising some possible scripts for my commercial demo reel here. Below is the first. I appreciate all feedback (script, performance, suitability for my voice, sound quality, etc.) Thanks in advance!
Toque
Script:
Bundle your family up and join us on the hill! Fresh powder, challenging elevations, breathtaking views and
friendly staff are waiting for you at Sir Sam’s Ski & Ride, in Haliburton. -
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Hi there! Here is one of the spots that will be on my narration demo as a corporate explainer piece! I’m going for straightforward and confident. Any feedback is welcome!
Katelyn
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Hello all! Here is a recording for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think! Thanks,
Mary
Chico’s
Chico’s was founded in 1983 as a small boutique selling Mexican folk art on Sanibel Island in Florida. Then one day, our founders discovered the sweater that made literally everyone look fabulous. They then quickly pivoted the business, and retail was never the same. Now there are over 600 Chico’s boutiques nationwide.From our exclusive, private-label designs to our most amazing personal service, Chico’s is truly a unique retail environment. When you walk into any Chico’s store, you can depend upon the sales staff to coordinate, accessorize, and help you build a wardrobe to suit your needs. We’re moving fast, but not without you. Get yourself to Chico’s!
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Hi Mary, I liked the pacing of your read. Also you hit key words very well. In addition I like how you differentiated “coordinate, accesorize, and help” . The only critique I have is, I heard a pause in the first sentence of the second paragraph,”private label designs to our”. But overall you did a good job.
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Hi Mary! Good read! I liked the last sentence, I could really hear the enthusiasm there. I think you could add that flair to the earlier parts as well.
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Mary,
That was good. I think the pace could have been a little faster. The last was sentence really was natural and flowing. Keep up the good work.
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Hi Mary,
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your recording. Among the tips that I will take away are your enthusiasm, conversational tone, and relaxed voice. I felt that I was not being rushed through a script. In fact, I forgot that I was listening to a script. Rather, by giving me the time to absorb the story of Chico’s, you were piquing my interest in the company.
Kind regards,
John
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Hey everyone! I gave my last commercial another try with the feedback given. More enthusiasm being the main adjustment. Please let me know how I did! Thank you.
Trendi.com
Trendi.com. It’s the #1 shopping site for top name brands at up to 75% off. Great style, great value and everything ships free. Trendi.com. Everything you love, for less.-
Hi Monibr16, really nice! Great enthusiasm and energy, sounds great! I believe I heard the previous version and this one is much improved. Good job!
Mary
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Good Afternoon and Happy New Year everyone! This is the first recording that I have submitted to the Feedback Forum and I would very much appreciate your feedback. The script is drawn from the Edge Practice Script Library.
Thank you,
John
John Trapé
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein was a genius, and one of the greatest physicists of all time. His famous Theories of Relativity, which describe the relationship between mass and energy, and between space and time, were published in 1905 and 1916. Einstein was born of Jewish parents in Ulm, Germany. He spent many years in Switzerland, becoming a Swiss citizen in 1901, and gaining his Doctor of Philosophy degree in 1905 from Zurich University. It was while employed as a patent clerk in Berne that he published his first Theory of Relativity. This contained his famous equation: E=mc2, which explains the relationship between mass and energy.
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Hi John, first of all welcome! That was very nice. Your voice sounds really good for this genre. You enunciation is very clear and your voice is nice and warm, and the pacing was great too. I’m getting the Terrence Stamp impression from your voice (actor in “Yes Man” and many other movies) – that is a compliment! The only tiny critique I could find is the pronunciation of the word “clerk” sounded like “clark” to me, small thing. Keep up the good work!
Mary
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Hi Mary,
Thank you very much for your feedback. Following my first practice session with Art, he told me to focus on enunciation, to avoid suppressing words, and to pay attention to pacing. So, your comments are really encouraging. And, yes, I will need to be careful about my pronunciation.
Kind regards,
John
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Howdy ya’ll! Back at it again, I just wanted to read this one because it looked stupid. I’d love any feedback!
Uncle
I’m going to let you kids in a little secret, I’m not really your Uncle i killed him and stuffed him under the floorboards HA HA HA HA HA HA Ehh I’m just kidding I’m, I’m probably your Uncle
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Hi Svenbot – that was really creepy good! I liked the character voice, very convincing! I was chuckling on that one. Good job!
Mary
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Hi Svenbot, Wow, you’ve definitely got character to spare! If I were to suggest any tweaking it would be to let your read breathe a bit, no reason to rush, let the listener enjoy your voice. Specifically, perhaps a slight pause after “I’m going to let you kids in on a little secret” to build the tension, and definitely a shade more pause on your comic timing before you stick that (killer) ending. Great work!
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Hello all!
I’d love feedback on this Physical Therapy VO audition. There are 60 1-2 min spots like this and it would be super to contribute! I recorded in my newly tech approved in home booth. Thanks for your insight.
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Hi Christy, you have a great voice for this genre. It sounded calm and reassuring. I’m not fully set up yet with my studio but the sound quality sounds good on my end. Good job!
Mary
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Hey Christy! Great voice, I agree with Mary, you have an awesome voice for this genre. The setup sounded good, although there was a little hum through my headphones. I don’t know enough about sound to know if it was an issue on my end, though! The read was fantastic, and I could absolutely imagine doing PT with that recording. Question: is the breathing instructive in the read? Like something the patient should do with you? The breathing was very noticeable so I thought maybe it was meant to be included. If it is not instructive, I might silence some of them, especially the one at the beginning. I’m a noob, so take all of that with a grain of salt!
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Hello all! Here is a recording (done on my phone) for any and all feedback. Let me know what you think. Thank you!!
Mary
Shelly’s Interiors
Are there times when you feel like you live in a boring, grey box? Well, it’s time to break out of the crypt with a fresh coat of paint and interior decorating services from Shelly’s Interiors!Within hours, your home will be transformed to reflect your tastes. Don’t know what your taste is? No problem. Shelly’s Interiors has a wide array of styles in their portfolio to choose from, including Modern Chic, Urban Elegance, and Rural Escape.
To get a preview, visit Shelleysinteriors.com. From there you can browse styles, then give us a call at 555-5455 or send us an email from the website to set up a consultation. Shelly’s Interiors – turning houses into homes since 1990.
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Hey Mary! I haven’t been on the forum for a few weeks – you are CRUSHING the smile in the voice! Congrats!!
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Hi Mary, aside from the ringing sound by your phone, you were able to record yourself pretty good. But I think you can perform better than that. Let the smile be in your voice and don’t force anything in or hold you back from creating the perfect performance
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Thanks for the feedback SuperLuke! Yes, I’m starting to work on the setup in my studio, I never noticed the buzzing / humming of the fan on my computer until I started voiceover! I will continue to work on the smile in my voice and pushing the performance more, just trying to not cross the line of ridiculousness! Sounds like I have a ways to go 🙂 Thank you!
Mary
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Hi Mary, there’s a real warmth to your voice which I find very appealing. Continue to expand upon that lovely sincerity by perhaps leaning into an even more conversational in your delivery (more like a chat with a friend than a read from a script—-a naturalness I’m working to perfect myself). As others mentioned, I do hear a technical hum in the background, but a solid read! Definitely have the perfect aural temperament for the client.
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Practice Script from the Edge Library. I’d love any feedback, THANKS!
American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.-
Good performance and recording quality. It can get better though. When you say “private payments”, I hear you stepping out of character, forcing the “P” sound. hope this was a helpful critique
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Really good read! One thing that’s helped me with commercial copy is to imagine the script as the middle of the conversation, not the beginning. Either you’re telling someone something they don’t know, or they’ve just told you something with which you disagree. This can elevate your excitement and increase the energy of the read.
In this case, I would imagine that you’re making small talk with a new client about a recent experience with identity theft. They’ve heard of Private Payments, but they thought it sounded like BS. So the question “Do you know me?” can be a little more authoritative; you both already know the answer is no. Then, accent the contrast: “In my BUSINESS, recognition is always important.” Changing that opening motivation might help you keep the urgency up throughout the read.
Best of luck!
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Hi Burdahgirl. The pacing of your read was very good. I noticed the overemphasis on “private payments”. To help “get out of your head” step away from the mic, before reading a sentence with a troublesome word or words, raise your arms to your side and take two deep breathes, then go back to the mic and deliver the line. Overall good job.
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