Feedback Forum
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Hello, This is for the Self Direction and Cold Read class with David Goldberg on Tuesday February 9th, 16th, & 23rd. I am to submit and get feed back before my class at 5pm PST.
Please I welcome feedback. Thank you!
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Hi Elvie! I love your energy in the Macy’s ad! One pronunciation thing I noticed is how you say “women’s” at :06. It’s a really hard one to pronounce, and so many native English speakers struggle with it, men and women alike. The pronunciation of the plural “women” is “wi-muhn”, or, more like, “wi-min”, as opposed to “wu-min”, which would be the pronunciation for the singular “woman”.
On the American Express phone message, I LOVE your tempo and tone! The only thing I would add would be the sound of the letter D at the end of the word “damaged” at :22.
Washington Mutual–Love the tone and tempo! Great read!! -
Hi Elvie,
I really liked your reads. I think the Macy’s sounded sincerely excited. The phone message was very serious, and I liked that you have so much versatility in your voice. And the Washington Mutual one conveyed warmth and trustworthiness. Enjoy your class! Looking forward to hearing more of you here on the Feedback Forum. -
Hi Elvie!
I liked that I could hear something different in each read!
For the Macy’s and WaMu, in my opinion, don’t try to eliminate your Spanish. We’ve been hearing quite a bit of mixed marketing lately, with talent who are clearly Spanish speaking English. FiveBelow comes to mind. I think a McDonald’s ad too. I say let it fly! You can reach a really specific market! I think if you focus less on perfect English, the read will flow more.
Telecom is different. I spent 23 years in the industry and they’re still either booking bilingual or separate English/Spanish. Here I’d say your pacing and pauses were spot on, but maybe don’t hit “press” so hard. These systems have been around forever, and people get how to use them. You’ll bring the message through loud and clear with the pace alone.
Good work!
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Hello again! I have two lawn company scripts I’m testing. Please analyze and critique! What sounds good, and what doesn’t? Thanks!
Script One: Come to Dirty Hands Garden Center for all your gardening needs. We carry hundreds of trees, shrubs and perennials, herbs, organics, garden art and accessories, and more! Visit us at 2603 Anderson Highway, off route 60-West just 7 minutes from Sycamore Square or on the web at dirtyhandsgardencenter.com. And remember: “Compost, because a rind is a terrible thing to waste.”
Script Two: 6. At Portage Turf, we firmly believe in taking care of Mother Earth, which is why we provide an organic lawn care program that is 100% certified with the Organic Materials Review Institute. We pride ourselves in greatly reducing chemical use on lawns, and our organic service is an extra step we take to further lessen the impact on the planet. Portage Turf Specialists. Naturally Better Lawn Care.-
Hi Mitch,
I very much enjoyed listening to both scripts. Plenty of enthusiasm, sincerity and, for me, perfect tempo, pitch, and pacing. I imagined each to be aimed at a particular audience. For example, script one I could so easily hear on one of my local, livelier radio stations, while script two would be a natural complement to a TV commercial, where I would be able to see Portage Turf and, as I listened to your reading, better appreciate their organic service.
Regards,
John
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Mitch, I did listen to both of you recordings the second one seem to flow better and sound more from the heart. The first one not so much it was slightly disjointed maybe? Hope that helps and thanks for sharing that!
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Hello Mitch_Crawford, I like your samples, especially the second one, there you hit the words pretty good. Good job.
Maybe the first read could have been done with more energy than the second one. -
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Hi All, I’ve loved listening to you these last couple weeks. Here’s a B2B pharmaceutical explainer I found. Thanks for listening!
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PrettyLoud, these are great…I really felt like you were talking to ME in the first script, especially on the first try of the AmeriHealth spot. It wasn’t too long (they could perhaps speed up your final line with the website by a quarter second to get it under 30), and it felt warmer and even a bit friendlier than the second. Great voice! 🙂
With regard to the B2B, I LOVED your enunciation throughout. This will sound strange, but it felt almost…personable AND robotic at the same time. Almost like the British Siri was speaking American English. It was a great combination. It being B2B, your voice also sounded very smart and self-assured, as businesses should. Sorry…no complaints! -
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Hi all, here are my two takes of a 30-sec radio spot. I was a little over 30 secs on the first take, so I did a second take at a quicker tempo. Thanks for listening!
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Hi D M Ulmer, your voice and style, plus audio quality are very good. You close the spot it very well to my ears. I think you can also clean the audio so your breathing pauses are not there. Good job!.
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Hi Dawn loved your read and pace. I feel like I can hear you pushing emphasis with certain words that may not need to be but that also could just be what i’m hearing. I feel I catch myself doing that too at times. Great Job.
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Hello! This is my first time posting to this forum (voice over is brand new to me), so I am open to any feedback. Thank you!
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Hi cbehrens, welcome! Your voice has a nice, soft, breathy quality to it. I like it better in the second spot. My critique would be that you almost sound too timid/quiet, like there’s somebody in the next room you don’t want to disturb. I love the first line of the second spot, like we’re at a conference sitting next to each other and you have your hand up blocking your mouth and talking to me only–“what exactly IS creaTIVITY?!” I would love to hear the answer to the question be more assertive and with a bit more volume. You have a great voice–open up that throat chakra and let us all hear! Looking forward to hearing more from you! 🙂
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Hello, for the ones who understand Spanish, here is a take….I look forward for your feedback. Thanks.
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Hey Mauricio! I LOVE the second half of that read! The closing is awesome, especially with tone and tempo, and it reminds me of when I listened to radio in the Dominican Republic way back when. My Spanish vocab is super weak now, 30+ years later, but the latter part was super clear and fun to listen to. I recognize your reading would be heard by the Spanish-speaking listeners, but the company info at the beginning ran together too much for my slow americano ears. The first sentence… “en todo la republica” perhaps needs more of a punch? If the company is the best in the entire republic, perhaps a pause after that for it to sink in? Again, I may be way off, and you def need input from a native Spanish speaker, but I thought I’d chime in because I love listening to the language, y tu voz es SUPERbueno!
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Hi all, I feel I’ve been sounding a little monotone lately so I’ve been working on some sales pitches, trying to sound excited and believable. Any comments on performance and /or recording would be appreciated !
Thanks, SteveScript:
You don’t realize it yet, but in the next 8 minutes you’ll be getting the secret of how to stop money-worries for the rest of your life.
If you would like to know how someone can start with a simple idea & a tiny, tiny trading account… and then… explode it MULTIPLE times over… this is going to be the most interesting video you will ever see.-
Hey! I really like the way you put emphasis on multiple, it totally sounds like an outrageously good offer while still being completely believable. The only potential critique I have is that I think it could use a bit more of a pause after “and then.”
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CLASS: Self Direction and Cold Read class with David Goldberg on Tuesday February 9, 16, 23, 2021)
HOMEWORK: Submit three audio files before tonight’s class (Feb. 16, 5:00-6:30 p.m. Pacific Time.
I welcome feedback. Thank you!
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Hi all, I’m working on a new Narration demo. I’ve identified the areas that are a more natural fit for me (Children, Grocery, Retail, Senior Care, Insurance). I was looking for your feedback on this piece that may be included in the demo (pace, tone, stylistic elements). Thanks!
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Hey Barb, first of all you are great! Awesome audio quality as well. Way to go! I would say that the list and the beginning all blended into one idea from what I could hear. It took me a few listens to understand that there were 3 things being pointed out for a care plan. I would say you could pace it a little more carefully/slowly as it would be accompanying a video. Maybe you could pause a little longer at “care plan (pause) that includes” Just to let us catch up with you. I think once you got into the list you offered some great variety in the list. Maybe my brain is just slow because it is the end of my day lol! But great job, the copy is a perfect fit for your voice.
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