Feedback Forum
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Hello everyone! This is my first time actually recording anything so bear with me as I learn to use my equipment properly haha. Any and all feedback would be much appreciated!! <3
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Script 1 (Commercial): Peet’s Coffee
Characters like Marie. She’s a character. She does ballet. Professionally. Because character. That’s what we’re about. Alfred Peet. Now, there was a character. He brought us craft roasted. Us, as in America. You. Me. Diane. Diane’s friend. At Peet’s, we source the best beans. We roast them. We brew them. We make great coffee. We’re Peet’s.
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Script 2 (Commercial): Advil
Muscle aches? Nothing is proven more effective or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study, Advil was found to work better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil for muscle aches more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.
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Hey Tim! All good, this is a great place to learn! There are also some really awesome Facebook groups to join to get feedback or advice on audio quality like VOpreneur or something. I think something that is useful is copy and pasting the script with a few mark ups. Hope that’s ok! I’m going to copy and paste the Advil script here with most of the places you paused or micro-paused. When you pause within a sentence you break up the copy in an unnatural way. This makes it sound like you are reading, because we never speak like this in real life. Here is your script with most of the pauses in there:
Muscle aches? Nothing(pause) is proven more effective (pause) or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study(upspeak), Advil was found to work(micro-pause) better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil(pause) for muscle aches (pause) more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.
Try it again and don’t pause between the sentences. Another idea is for you to literally sing the sentence and note that there are no breaks in what you are saying. Then bring it back to talking again and try to keep it as smooth – never closing the back of your throat. Connecting words and avoiding pauses within sentences will help you to sound more natural. Then you need to think about connecting to the copy emotionally and think about who you are talking to and all that good “acting” stuff 🙂
I hope this is helpful!
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Hey Feedback Forum…tried to submit before but don’t know if my VO uploaded. Looks like it didn’t because I can’t find anything….so if at first you don’t succeed, upload again. Thanks for the feedback.
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Hey Dickson – lovely performances! Really nice!!
Read 1 – I have nothing to add except for great job, you killed this!
Read 2 – I heard a few glottal stops at “every” in every move. I think you can smooth out the sentence “yet the private side of Amelia would”. The first part of that sentence can be smoothed out and I think you can forgo the comma there – just thinking that it is probably proper writing but in natural speech, we likely wouldn’t pause after saying yet. Try both ways and see what feels natural when you’re not looking at the script.”
Read 3 – Glottal stop at the o of “or longer-lasting”. There is a pause after “count (pause) on Advil”. I think it would sound more natural if you connected those words “count on Advil”. In “In a recent clinical study” you should pronounce the “a” as “ah”. You can also smooth out “no wonder doctors”, you don’t need to pause after “wonder” There were a few glottal stops throughout as well.Honestly, these are nit-picky things but will take your read from 90% to 100%. I think you’re fantastic! When I learned about glottal stops it opened my eyes on how to smooth out my reads. But it’s a HARD habit to break, I still catch myself doing it all the time.
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I know it’s been a couple of weeks. I’ve been crazy busy but wanted to come back and thank you for your feedback. It’s so appreciated. I’ve been working on those pesky glottal stops. Those seem to get me more than most things and like you said it’s HARD to break. I’m open to any tips. Again, thank you for taking the time to listen and write your feedback.
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Hi there! Looking for feedback on performance. Thanks so much!
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Hi, all!
This is my first time using the Feedback Forum! I would appreciate any critiques and suggestions regarding my technique, as I do not yet have a home studio (I’m recording off of my phone). Thank you so much!
Kindly,
Libby-
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Really liked all three reads, Libby! In the Revlon spot you showcased a lot of pitch variation, and the choices all made sense to me. Same with Butterball. Then, I listened to Asthma, and the tone was drastically different but appropriately serious and empathetic. I honestly think you nailed them all. Well done. Your phone records pretty well!
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This is an add for Royal Bank Canadian – Avion. Only the VO part, which is designed to be accopanied by various visuals. Here is the text:
VO: Most of life, isn’t like this.VO: It doesn’t look like this.
VO: Taste like this.
VO: Or sound, like this.
VO: And when was the last time… you felt like this?
VO: Special moments like these are far from the everyday.
VO: To relax, appreciate, explore, and get in touch with what really matters.
VO: Our vacation time, is the most important time we have.
VO: Make the most of your travel.
VO: With more value. More freedom. More rewards.
VO: RBC Avion-
Great work as a whole- the second half in particular was well connected and connected to the message of the copy. My main note would be slow down just a touch on the first four “this” lines and find an extremely specific mental image for each one. If you can lock in what each one means to you or have a clear image of what would be showing as you’re saying the lines, you can dial in your read even more and hook the listener from the beginning. Keep it up!
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I thought it was really great. I closed my eyes and could imagine the accompanying visuals. I think you made all the right choices.
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Hello everyone! Here are some commercials I recorded for practice. Thank you so much in advance for your feedback!
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Awesome work! Your voice is extremely clear and you nailed most of what you set out to achieve with this copy. The only notes I have would be small shifts that are just personal preferences- for example, the congratulations at the beginning of the first one sounds like a different thought than the full sentence, and in the second perhaps the tone on “how about 300 horses” could be shifted to make the joke land even better? The car is the solution for the problem of you always wanting horses as a kid, so punching the solution would make sense. For the horses line, perhaps a touch more snarky or even a hint of cockiness? These are small, finishing touches that might make it even better- but it is already pretty solid as is!
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Yeah, really liked the Travelocity spot. You seem to have really good command over your different “voices”… Sounds to me like someone with some acting experience or training. It’s a long spot, so I would work on keeping your energy level up for the duration. I think it could use even a bit more aggressive variation in pitch. But overall it sounded really good. If I heard this on TV or online I would think it was a pro!
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I posted this one last year from an audition I did. there is no history from the old forum so reposting it, any comments are most welcome!
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Hello All,
This is my first time posting to the feedback forum. I’m following through on my coaches instructions and seeking any feedback you’re willing to offer. Thanks in advance.
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Hi John, first of all, welcome to the forum!
Your voice is nice, rich, and very warm. I could tell you were delivering the first script about Jamaica with a nice smile in your voice. It was friendly and comforting, and had good variation of tone in the lists. I liked the Good RX read too and would agree that it sounded just a little bit rushed, but both were very really nice!
Mary
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Continued practice! Any comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance and the style of read- I am much more comfortable with commercial reads and narration, so working on corporate materials is to help broaden the scope of work that I am able to record. Thanks!
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In fact, many of you may be millennials, or be just like millennials yourselves – and that’s why you’re a good fit for this job. You’re the kind of consumer who is checking online reviews, looking at a company’s Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, and really buying into a company’s branding and ethos before you’re ‘sold.’
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You have a really nice tone of voice for this and a very marketable voice at that. I think you could warm it up a bit, it sounds more like a documentary piece which is typically read more “matter of factly” without bringing in your personal opinions into it and letting the listener figure out how they feel about what you are presenting on their own. I think you can guide the listener into feeling how you feel about this content. Right now you sound distant from it, like an observer. Can you warm it up, bring a smile to your face and connect more with the copy? I think this will help people to stay engaged in this “eLearning” style script. Right now you sound a little bit bored about what you’re talking about. I’d love to hear this again with this feedback applied, I think you can totally nail it.
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