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- This topic has 10,048 replies, 725 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by
Holly Hoyt.
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AuthorPosts
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June 12, 2024 at 4:19 pm #96254
Bwatts
ParticipantHi. I’d appreciate any creative feedback re pace, diction, flow, etc. Thanks.
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June 26, 2024 at 11:35 am #96481
Terra Ashe
ParticipantCoconut oil.
– Lovely voice! Feels rushed, but instead of just thinking of slowing down I would just try to focus on who you are talking to specifically. Really tell them about how amazing you’ve realized coconut oil is.
Writers voice
– I think you have a lovely pace and flow with this one. I would maybe try being a little brighter at the top(nothing over the top just a little more friendly) and see what that does to the rest of it.
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June 12, 2024 at 4:29 pm #96257
latyesemca
ParticipantI would love some feedback on this take! I wanted to read it as a whisper but not too much of such.
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June 26, 2024 at 11:41 am #96482
Terra Ashe
ParticipantI think your tone is right on, not really a whisper but more of lets talk quietly cus it’s 2am and someone is sleeping next to you so nailed that.
– Trying slowing down/extending the first word, it’s getting a little lost and slowing it down would help establish the low and slow late night tone.
-I’m losing the word “bright light”
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June 12, 2024 at 4:30 pm #96259
latyesemca
ParticipantI had fun with this one! Had a bit of a fun personality come through.
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June 26, 2024 at 11:45 am #96483
Terra Ashe
ParticipantNice read fun for sure, one thing you could play around going further with the tone switch of the “This is john now yikes” in the first half to the “but we have a solution that can solve his problem” in the second.
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June 12, 2024 at 4:30 pm #96261
latyesemca
ParticipantThis was by far my favorite read. It made me think of my nephews!
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June 26, 2024 at 11:47 am #96484
Terra Ashe
ParticipantLovely tone! It’s just a bit choppy so try smoothing it out a little, so there aren’t so many long pauses, but good job!
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June 12, 2024 at 4:31 pm #96263
latyesemca
ParticipantBy far the hardest to do. Trying to stay smiling but informative with SO MANY WORDS.
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June 26, 2024 at 11:54 am #96485
Terra Ashe
ParticipantAnother nice tone! Definitely a mouth full of a script with fun for kids but so much sale info so a hard script. Try really just focusing on one person you are specifically talking to. Maybe a friend or family member that has a kid, whatever works for you. It may help to connect the informativeness of the script to the funness of the pop up magic castle games without getting trapped in the wordiness of it. Good job!
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June 12, 2024 at 4:45 pm #96265
latyesemca
ParticipantMy thoughts were how I would want a commercial for my own coffee brand to sound like.
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June 12, 2024 at 4:46 pm #96267
latyesemca
ParticipantHonestly, this was pretty tough. Nike tends to be dry, so I tried to achieve that.
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June 12, 2024 at 4:48 pm #96269
latyesemca
ParticipantThis was fun, a lot of personality was put into this I believe.
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June 12, 2024 at 4:50 pm #96271
latyesemca
ParticipantMy heart was really for the little kids! I hope this made you think of the little ones in your life.
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June 12, 2024 at 4:50 pm #96273
latyesemca
ParticipantI tried to bring the energy of a girls girl to this read. I hope you are able to receive that image as well!
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