Feedback Forum
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Hey Y’all! Here’s another possible script im trying out for my demo. Feedback on everything besides equipment is welcome. Specifically if you can tell who my audience is and if it has a beginning middle and end. But cetainly other tips! Thank you 🙂
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Hello monibr16! I think this read is great..it’s engaging, interesting and told with nice variation, pitch and tone. Maybe take a listen to the the word “fit” in “guaranteed to find the perfect fit” – the intonation sounds slightly forced to me when compared to the natural conversational tone of the rest of the piece; but otherwise, it was very appealing. thanks!
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Hello Unity. Good job on the reads. there is some tricky alliteration (e.g., “surprisingly simple”) that you handle well and a very sensory story that you tell. My overall suggestion for both reads and variations of each, would be to really emphasize those words that give you clues to their meaning. The obvious ones – “JOYS!” “bask” “warmth” “tender” “juicy” “celebrate”…- have a built in meaning and conjure up recollections in the listener’s mind. These images, flavors, smells and feels can be easily tapped into with just a little nudge from you, the speaker: try saying “warmth” the way if feels, “juicy” and “tender” the way they taste..etc…. The butterball turkey script is great and gives you an opportunity to really “ham’ it up! Great job. You’re on the right track and sound like you can dig in and really bring these scripts to life.
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Working on scripts for my commercial demo. Would like some feedback on the read. Still getting my home studio together, but if there are any glaring issues please let me know. I did not clean these takes up, they are just for practice. Thank you!!!
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Hello aasterita. Great job on the reads and interpretation of the context. A few comments…
Swiffer – great humorous delivery! I noticed some nasal breathing/unnecessary pauses after “mopping,” “I switched to swiffer wet jet,” “inside,” “plus,” “swiffer wet jet,” “ever,” and “love it.” All else was really smooth and allowed the message to be conveyed without distraction. I really liked the playful way you turned this dreaded chore into something funny.
Tom’s: GREAT fit for your youthful and flavorful voice! It was clear and succinct. I heard a couple of disruptive breaths e.g., “children (breath) uses,” “flavor (breath) appeals” but enjoyed the read and the way evoked the senses with “delicious real fruit”. Nicely done!
Door – great job. it was really clear and flowed easily.Overall, really nice work! Suggestion: assign breaths before you read and think about the muted nasal exhale, which does suggest a slight laugh, but might be slightly distracting.Overall
Super job.
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Hi A! I thought your voice and tone was a great fit for the Tom’s script. (I’m just arbitrarily picking that read to comment on, not because I like it more or less than the others). I really enjoyed your time and how you made it seem like a nice versatile match for a child OR adult.my suggestion would be to read it without some of the pauses to increase smoothness of delivery. (I’m working on this suggestion from my coach, myself).You have a clear, professional sound IMO!
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Hi everyone, have another submission for my demo. All feedback welcome
Dunkin’ Donuts
This fall at Dunkin’ Donuts get lost in pumpkin, with a 1.99 medium macchiato or latte from 12 to 6 PM. Sip in the season today. America runs on Dunkin.-
You have such a nice voice with a solid, lovely delivery. It seems and sounds very natural for you!
Suggestion: If you want to keep the pace of the read as is, I bet you could dig deep and add some more emotion. I hear a tad bit of it already with “get loooost in pumpkin” so try going with that for a read or two. I can hear the smile in “pumpkin” and it is really appealing.If the pace something you would consider changing, I would suggest adding some pep/energy and pace (it is caffein after all). Also, the alliteration of “Sip in the season” offers you a chance to have a little fun with those Ss!
You sound great…and don’t forget to smile!
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Another fantastic read. You have such a great sound. I would just suggest that in the last line “America rubs on Dunkin” that you infuse it with a touch more pep/energy. Given that “runs on Dunkin” likely infers getting energy from their caffeinated drinks, I think a slightly more upbeat and energetic (nothing crazy, just a touch more) would be a nice fit for this read. Great piece!
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Hey friends, I should have just put these all in on entry. But here’s my last option for my demo. If anyone has time to give me feedback I greatly appreeciate it.
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Wonderful voice! I would say to speed up just a tad. Your pacing was very smooth and uniform the whole way through the read so you’ve got that nailed. The only other thing would be to add a little more tone to the read. I know it’s hard to sound enthusiastic about credit cards (lol) but I would give it some more life. Wonderful read all-in-all. I think it will make a great demo!
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Hi Michele – Your voice has such a lovely tone! Terrific job all around. Sign me up for the protein with oatmilk – and I don’t even like oatmilk. In Relax the Spa, once you hit “utilize” and from there on, you sped up a bit. I’d be curious to hear what it sounds like if you keep the same pace you started at the beginning. BJ
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Thanks so much, BJ- I agree- I was also wondering if speeding up was the right choice on the Spa read. I was thinking maybe “rejuvenate” called for it, but now I’m thinking it distracts from the relaxing overall feel. Thank you for your feedback!
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Hi – I needed Crazy Uncle today. You made me laugh out loud! I really like how you transitioned from a scary laugh to a more light-hearted one. It reinforced that you were kidding around. You were kidding, right? 🙂 If not, I need a shot of Tennessee Whiskey! Nice tone and pacing. The last word in each of your first three sentences gets a bit lost. I’d like to hear a version of this where you give it a more gritty read.
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Hi HMW- love your voice! To me, it feels “cool” and wise at the same time. On Tennessee Whiskey- I think that in “law unabidin’”, the “un” syllable could use the emphasis in order to differentiate it from “law abidin”. That’s all I got! Really enjoyed your read and thought your voice was a great for it.
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Hi all! Heading into another private coaching session and would love some help with my homework. I’m naturally a fast talker in life and am having some trouble slowing down in my reads without the tone getting too presentational because of it, since what feels “conversational” to me is usually too fast. Any advice welcome, thanks!
(Some upload errors– there is a duplicate of the Pet Adoption file, it’s not two different takes. The Apple file is a lower export quality because for some reason the Forum won’t let me upload my preferred export quality eve though it’s under the file size limit. So not too worried about sound quality there. Mostly looking for creative/performance help!)
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Hi – Being from NJ, I definitely understand the talking fast thing:). I think the pace of your individual sentences is good. The only place you may want to slow down is on the sentence that includes “so this is an important decision,” just so you’re giving the listener/viewer a chance for it to sink in. Also, consider cutting down a bit on the pause between your first and second sentences. I really like the smile I hear in your voice when you say “puppy kindergarten and teaching your dog tricks.” Nice job.
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Hi Forum Friends –
A big thank you to everyone participating in this Forum. I learn so much each time I listen to your Posts and read your feedback.
Would you weigh in on my reads? Are you hearing any difference between each of the Trader Joe’s/ TJ’s reads? How about the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America/AAFA reads? Any and all feedback is appreciated.
BJ
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Hi BJ! On Trader Joe’s, I loved “Who wants to wait that long? Not you” It gave me a chuckle. I thought you did a perfect job infusing it with a hint of humor and familiarity and I enjoyed your interpretation of the entire script: pace, tone, emphasis and intonation felt just right to me, with nothing under or overdone IMO. The only observation I have that might or might not be “accurate” (I sometimes can’t tell if some things are subjective, personal preferences and not “right or wrong”), is that the read felt just a tiny bit tense or formal, as if you were preforming it- for example on a theatre stage instead for a movie, if that makes sense. Subtle and maybe not an accurate observation on my part. I’d be curious if you or others get that vibe or perhaps not.
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Hi BJ- I thought the Allergy and Asthma Foundation read was spot on. Your voice has a knowledgeable and trustworthy sound to me, like a smart and warm doctor with appealing bedside manner. I especially enjoy how you utilize emphasis, pitch and tone in all your reads. It seems like you have an intuitive sense of what needs to be emphasized without it feeling like you’re trying too hard, and your placement always feels just right to me. Only edit tweek I might consider would be to reduce certain pauses. I noticed one before “and” somewhere and in another spot I don’t recall without listening again, but that’s it!
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Also, I just realized I hadn’t answered your specific question regarding whether a difference between the TJ’s reads was noticed. I liked the overall sound of your voice on the v2 one- felt a little “lighter” and more cheerful to me. The first comment I left on this thread was in reference to the initial version of the Trader Joe’s script. Just FYI 🙂
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